Self-hatred.

Hey, everyone. It's been awhile since I last posted here. It feels stupid to blog something in here, seriously but I just can't help it. I just don't know where I could voice out anymore. I miss writing in here like nobody's reading, judging too much. And it did feel stupid reading all of my previous posts. I was so immature back when I was then and I don't say that I am a grown up already for now. I'm still in that process. And I would never thought that it would be this hard.

And you know what I hate the most? Mirrors. They of course, reflecting you as a person and this may sounded so cliche but, I hate myself in front of the mirror. Sometimes I couldn't ask for more like why there are certain people look so good in any clothes, in shorts, in dresses, selfies. Insecurities definitely drives me crazy. And I randomly think that the best way to get rid all of those insecurities is, by finding the right person to love them. And I think I have found one.

It feels stupid to say sweet things every time I get swept away, you know. I feel that way but yeah I do have a problem in trusting, especially guys. I do have trust issues with guys but I am too drown away by their sweet talks, false hopes and blind promises. And I do take the blame for what they did. People can't stop saying that I've always been playing around with everyone. And they definitely have no idea of what I am going through. But yes, people just can't shut the fuck up so hahah whatever.

I used to be this fun and outgoing person but I get a little preserved when I know what heartbreak feels like. I feel scared enough to open up to a person. The hatred that I get when I'm being real. But seriously despite all of those insecurities and doubts, I feel so grateful to have this one person that made me happy, unconditionally. I used to say to myself that I really don't trust myself in love anymore. But the way he steals my attention and how he obviously effecting my life perfectly, I just know that he is the one since right from the start.